Each Poison, A Pillow


2022 - ongoing

I’m trying to think back of the first memories I have of my mother and my awareness of her being an alcoholic.
When you are very young, your mother is just your mother. She is your rock and your angel, your idol and your hero.
I must have been around 5 years old when this image of my mother slowly shifted. I remember sitting in the back of her bike and how scared I was because of her wiggly driving. Bit by bit she became a dichotomy to me. The worst and the best. The reason for my happiness and the reason for my anger.
My mother is not a bad mother. She is a sweet human, kind, generous and one of the strongest women I know, just as she is one of the most vulnerable women I know. Sometimes it feels as if I would have two mothers – a drunk one, and a sober one.

Over the years and after moving away from home, my anger slowly turned into comprehension while trying to understand her addiction more. It was just recently that I found an old letter at my parents place which now functions both as a basis and at the same time as a hypernym in my work.
The letter is a wish-letter to the Christ Child (European Santa) and I must have been around 7 or 8 years old when I wrote it. My only wish for Christmas at that time was to heal my mother, so she will never drink again. I can’t remember writing this letter but reading it after all these years was as if my past was catching up with me.

'Each Poison, A Pillow' is a personal story on the relationship between mother and daughter. My theoretical and visual research starts from an individual perspective and focuses on my own mother, though I’m aiming to contrast it with a collective one. The work consists of different chapters and confronts investigations, pre-existing archive materials and new interpretations to look at the topic of female alcoholism.
In my series there will be no judgment made, no answers will be given. However, I want to raise questions on a subject not much talked about.

This work is a work in progress and for now will be exhibited at following locations:

March 11 - April 23 2022: Solo Show, Christine König Galerie / Koenig2, Vienna, AUT
Sept 3 - 25, 2022: Museé Jenisch during the Visual Arts Biennale Vevey, CH
TBA 2023, Solo Show, L'Appartement Espace Images Vevey, CH

Installation view Koenig2 Gallery Vienna.
You and I, 2022, 16 channel video installation, Full HD, loop

Each Comfort, 2022, 27 digital-printed images on organic satin, 40x40cm, self-sewn

End of Summer, 2022, Fine Art Injket Print, 77x91cm

Stage Two, 2022, Fine Art Injket Print, 60x90cm

#drunkgirls #drunkwomen, 2022, HD, 09:05, sound

Original Letter, 1995

Leaving makes the place feel better